Ooooh. That's not a mole. Uncomfortable.
Seriously. Destroy her vagina. Do it like an angry baboon mating with a gentle manatee.
well, atleast the road to alcoholism is fun.
The glockenspiel player has some booze though so hopefully the ride won't be that bad
i think i pulled off the nice guy thing too well. it just backfired later on when she thought i was actually nice.
His bootycalls folder in his contacts are divided into regions, we should have all become airline pilots.
handjobs have no place on a baseball diamond
I just found a GIANT thermos of sangria in my sink. I don't know if its still good to drink, but its good to drink.
No sexy Asian girl. No comfy bed. I'm just gonna lie here in the hall next to the garbage can until someone comes home.
Getting up is taking longer than anticipated. Alcoholic fish bowls have made getting out of bed a multitstep process.
I passed out with my wizard stick taped to my hands and got woken up being poked with a St. Bernard
I hate having to put a bra on before I go home cuz I have to pretend I actually went to class today
The woman that sang I Touch Myself died today. There's only one appropriate way to honor her memory.
I'm on the job.
I almost got on a bus to Langley Air Force Base. 99% sure that's not where I wanna be.
This is the fourth day in a row I woke up with cheetos spread around me in a ritual pattern..this weed is unreal
Randomize
