I got into my dads silver toyota in the back seat to get picked up and 2 mins later I asked my dad when are we leaving, then an old mexican woman turned around. wrong toyota I'm guessing.
I bought the love spell lotion from victoria secret so it atleast smells like a girl is present while I'm masturbating
just wondering who decided to put a cup of throw up in my fridge
Bring single women, or taken women who are unhappy with their relationships, or women who are happy with their relationships but have low moral standards, or women who just like to remove clothing when drunk (relationship status is unimportant for this option)
all i could think about while he was eating me out was how pretty his eyelashes were
KEG. KEG. THE OPERA HAS A KEG. KEG STAND IN A TUX. AFTER PARTY RAVE AND KEG STANDS.
I feel like you guys are talking about real things and have real problems and I'm just over here like 'should I take muscle relaxers or get drunk tonight?'
All i remember his him yelling yahtzee while pouring beer down her shirt .
His 12 year old sister has bigger boobs than me and now that's all I can think about when we have sex
Drunk me just left a note for sober me apologizing for all the fucking crumbs in our bed
Put a Santa hat on my junk. He's wants to be festive too.
I think I pulled a boob muscle during phone sex
You kept licking my face. You said you were making sure I was real.
i ate her out in full view of all her roomates. the word awkward doesnt even cover it.
Don't worry about us we're making Mac and cheese
MAC AND CHEESE ABORTED, WE HAD FIRE
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