'Watching yourself cry on Photobooth' is the new 'watching yourself cry in the mirror.'
You're the 8th person from last night to text me this morning and ask if I'm ok.
how do you tell someone you stalk them in a non-creepy way
you don't.
not exactly restoring sanity, but he is throwing up on the national mall right now
I am literally using a balloon as a pillow on a park bench.
New development. Drinking at work is so easy and awesome I might have to do it everyday.
somedays, I wish the drugs you give me would convince me they were a bad idea preingestion.
where's the fun in that?
I don’t know what's weirder; the fact that I weigh more with an erection..or the fact that I actually weighed myself with an erection...
Dude, did you fall in a toilet on the way over here?
Was face down in one actually. Bars 2, Drew 0.
Come back. Shots need mouths.
WHO DOES THAT ON A TUESDAY? This is not a Drake joke, the girl doesn't turn up OR down. She doesn't do anything.
How weird would it be to ask your bro to 3d print your dick for me
I can't sleep. Send Llama pictures.
LACE UP YOUR GODDAMN SHOES
N O
I had to pee so bad that I snuck into the bathroom while they were in the shower. At her request, he was massaging her boobs so they could grow faster. Also there was a laser light machine.
Randomize
