All of his creepy stalker friends want you too
Tipsy and thinking of you. Talk tomorrow. My alliteration is awesome.
pretty sure i had my hand down BOTH their pants at the same time at some point...
Was that picture taken before or after I supposedly punched him in the face?
In lieu of flowers, please donate to The Hungover Children's Fund in my name.
Now I know he's not trying to fuck me. He took me to lunch at White Castle.
It's a never ending cycle of men I've fucked knowing other men I've fucked. I need a new town.
So I get to my parents and walk in the door so my mom knows I'm safe and alive and my grandpa looks at me and says "were you being someone's bitch". And I about died of laughter
Wow, he seems so solid
Don't use or open the microwave. It's full of smoke. Buying a new one tomorrow, will explain.
Don't tell me I can do whatever makes me happy while also saying I have to put on pants.
Dude I am a waste of space, I just febreezed myself so I could go out and get lunch
Well I just woke up to no pants, Gatorade on the headboard along with an uneaten steak, and the instinct I was a giant asshole.
I spent half my night explaining that i'm in an open relationship to the guys that I liked, and the other half of the night explaining that I have a boyfriend to the guys that I didn't like.
You were yelling at them from the passenger seat saying you wanted your chicken for free because they couldn't prove it was from kentucky
I a very close black and white picture of my slightly erect penis and I blew it up put it in an art gallery for a show coming up and somebody bought it for 30 Grand!!!
Randomize
