the toilet has never flushed louder then when you sneak home drunk and try to avoid your parents hearing you puke.
I've officially moved beyond college drinking. I just got business drunk at an internship seminar.
I just ate a whole bag of celery instead of getting up to get a glass of water. That high.
Hes sobering up now. He was just really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while he was telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together..
Let's review the facts-we're bored, we have a ton of beer, and we live 5 minutes from the zoo. This equation is easily solvable
the $20 limit for secret santa doesn't apply to me cause you know a half gram of coke is more than $20
Using the ceiling fan to slice the hotdogs in mid-air can only be contributed to our liberal use of 1800.
He had me saved in his phone as "Dick Socket". Lets see if I ever fuck him in a bathroom again.
They need 20 oz Capri suns with liquor. Douches need to grow up with their clients
Just so you know my hand is still healing from where you drunkenly clawed me last Saturday
lets start a news segment called WHY IS LEOS CROTCH BURNING TODAY
There is a high pitched squealing noise coming from somewhere in my house. I hope it's a gas leak cause I'm over this week man.
Had sex on the beach last night with a drug dealer. win-win-win situation
girls shouldnt black out with american flag bandaids on their nips
i got a dick pic last night and the mother fucker had a Jesus picture in the background.
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