just took a sink shower in Arbys bathroom
honey bunches of taint.
It's like God knew that was my ex's best friend and punished me. I've never vomited that much in my life.
I kept whispering "I love it when you call me big papa" until she got annoyed and left
1.) You left the rest of your whiskey here 2.) I drank your whiskey 3.) then made a steam roller out of the bottle 4.) Everything tastes like whiskey
WHY AM I ALWAYS DEFEATED BY THE LATIN COCK?!?!
who am I kidding I don't have any dignity. Plus we're not doing a porno, we're just doing random things naked
I don't know. I was also picked up by the doormen and held over the bar so I could do an upside down shot out of a bartenders tits.
he slipped a picture of a kangaroo under my door that said "im sorry" on the back and passed out on my lawn.. who the fuck is this kid?
I CAN'T DO THIS MUCH FABULOUS BEFORE LUNCHTIME
i refuse to hook up with a girl that looks like drew carey.
You are lucky that I'm drunk. Otherwise I would bone you into another universe
All because of that GODDAMNED MIKE PENCE.
I gave myself a charlie horse masturbating this morning. I feel like that really set the tone for the day.
I am in no place to make rational decisions, but right now i want you inside me
Randomize
