Food network will be on but we won't be watching
O by "watching" I mean "background noise"
I just passed one of the bars and saw my mom kissing another woman. This can't be good....right?
Knowing your life, probably not.
Vibrating panties would be amazing during this conversation!
Oh my god. Just had sex with this girl on the boardroom table at my work at midnight (win!) just realized I left the condom wrapper on the table (lose!)
I wonder if i passed any courses from last semester
I was high enough to understand and function with 'flip' while playing brick breaker
Damn. I don't think I could ever be that high.
yea i thought the egg drop soup tasted weirdly like cum, and then i suddenly remembered what happened last night.
i'm never eating chinese again.
this is the last time we take the mathletes drinking.
I have the slightest memory of swinging a bag full of condoms over my head...
It was the best of bangs; it was the worst of bangs.
only thing in my fruit bowl is 4 champagne corks and a jenga piece . Tuesday.
Last night he ate BBQ Pringles out of my boobs...I feel like it was moderately productive
One of my interns found me on Grindr. I'm really gonna make him earn the absurd amount of money I pay him.
He was stoned and starts screaming, "I ain't got but a dollar, I wanna hear waterfalls!". Maybe he can hang with us....
I can't get past the whole vibrator up the ass stunt.. Can we have a ceremonial burning for his dignity because I will not ever touch that again..
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