I'm having a terrible night. Can I sleep over?
Too tired to pretend that I care : (
is it trashy that while he was throwing up in the bathroom, i was hooking up with his childhood best friend?
She is a social worker. An actual good person trying to save the world. I feel like every time I give her an orgasm God wipes a little smudge off of my shit list.
malibu coconut giveth, and malibu coconut taketh away
do you remember the combo for the lock to my pants?
at the end of the day, college isnt gonna be for everyone... and some of us are just going to have to learn how to breathe underwater while sucking cock.
Yeah I just gotta do it so that my major doesn't find out. Doesn't look good having a stripper teach your 3rd grader
I think you are the only one slutty enough and evil enough for the job. Just go in and blue ball him. He broke my nose in Middle school. He deserves this.
We're both clumsy. What does this imply for our kids?
Helmets.
Your biggest crisis right now is that you can't decide whether to keep hooking up with AN NFL PLAYER or try to rekindle your relationship with your ex. You are a walking white girl problem.
There are two guys's cum on my sheets. Be a man and be the third.
Well get back to your date and give him the ceremonial 1am handy and text me when your done.
he appreciated my fucking vagina for two hours he can appreciate my honesty
Wait, like drink with real Phil. Or Phil, the cat that sometimes lived in your closet in Myrtle Beach?
Jarrod's passed out on the chair with a cup of milk and I've been staring him down in an attempt to use telepathy to make him spill it. Attempts unsuccessful.
Randomize
