I kinda look like a classier blonde kenny powers.
he looks like a really good dad on facebook
the ex, the guy i cheated on the ex with and the rebound are about to form a beer pong team at my party. is it bad i feel accomplished my pussy brought their union together?
I'm going to listen to christmas music to trick my body into cooling off.
Def walking back to my apt with a blender, an empty vodka bottle, and a half eAtn drumstick cone.
Why am I the only one concerned that there's a dog in the movie theatre?
Get to the bar. Power hour leading up to the rapture.
Thanks for alerting everyone in our apartment what your one night stand's name is. Could you scream a little louder?
so, she was so drunk she tried stabbing me with a corn dog stick
I just bought 7 working mopeds off a guy for $300. We are 60% of the way to our gay biker gang dream.
Vagic. Defined as a kind of magic one has over a girl's vagina. Used in a sentence... he's an accomplished vagician.
All my friends are getting into relationships and going through breakups and I'm having Plan Bs and crunch wraps for dinner.
Even his sexts are poetic. He said breasts instead of tits so I'm gonna lock this shit down asap
I find nice boys who are in extremely long term relationships with nice girls, wait for them to break up, and sneak in for the rebound fucking.
You are like a terrifying jaguar of sex. Predatory.
Our baby is creepy.
That's how we know it's ours. haha
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