I see an opportunity for you to use your nakedness to cure my boredom.
his blackberry tasks were 1. take names and 2. kick ass
I'm scared. I feel like she's my mom and she just walked in on me having sex. Like she's "disappointed"
Not quite sure what happened last night. I'll drive your dresser over to you later.....
I think throwing up in my her purse is probably why we broke up
don't forget friday is see who can get the most free drinks at the gay bar contest. winner gets $50
The following message is brought to you by IMSOFUCKINGSORRY. Dude I'm really sorry I got you arrested last night. You are allowed to choose a repayment plan from the following options: Money, weed, or a single kick to the balls any time within the next calender months. Repayment outside of the aforementioned options can be negotiated and considered within reason.
Had to go see my sisters new baby this morn in the clothes I wore to the rave last night. Still drunk. Almost dropped it. I'll be a good aunt right?
I just dried my bra with your hair straightener because the drier is broken again.
I feel like a pet sloth would complement my lifestyle.
I have invented a new game to play on campus. It's called "Mormons or Pledges?" It's fantastic.
So was it everything you dreamed it would be
I puked.
Twice.
So is that a yes?
Just paid for birth control in all ones do you think she is judging me?
I am literally so hung over that I just opened up my emergency kit, got out a survival meal replacement bar and ate it.
Ever try to swallow something and have it go up into your nose instead? Yeah, I just sneezed bacon.
Randomize
