now i know why i became what i already was.
The girl I was getting head from just called my dick an anteater...I hate my parents for not cutting my cock tip off.
theres a boy scout troop on my plane. right now theyre playing wilderness games. let me just tell you how excited i am to hit on all of them
she needs to learn to take compliments like she takes dicks.
A 14 year old with a teardrop tattoo just tried to sell me weed. I'm in the wrong fucking neighborhood.
i'm making a list of conversation topics in my blackberry so the ride won't be so awkward
Afraid I'm about to get arrested. Complicated situation but not a joke. If I do not text again that all is clear within 90 minutes kindly begin bail process. I have the cash to repay as soon as I get home. Details later.
Found your counterpart from cali. Walked into the bar we were in with milk and a donut, ordered a beer and said anything his group wanted was on his tab....dangerous
I'm at the point where I'm gonna write in my mothers bday card. Happy birthday. Please stop having sex with the door open.
The only downside to doctor sex is that getting choked with a stethoscope leaves marks.
So the pizza place just called me after an hour saying they don't have dough
Stop acting like the Lucky Charms you're feeding people is actually ecstasy.
My 1st STD. I feel like there should be a cake for this.
I woke up in a bush somewhere in Tucson with a full suit on. Great way to end my birthday.
Did you really think putting a napkin over your head would make you giving him a bj less obvious?
Randomize
