guys i just found a dildo in the laundry room and its purple
whats a dildo? isnt that like a fancy piece of bread?
if my vagina gave out awards, he should be preparing acceptance speaches for the oscar, the heisman and the nobel peace prize.
the hot woman interviewing me is reading jokes off the back of laffy taffy.... I'm getting laid and possibly a job
You need to always be prepared. Like a sex firefighter.
Dude so coolest charity idea ever, think aids walk but instead of miles you drink beers oh the possibilities
You'd be amazed at how difficult it is to find pics of the helicopter dick
I am very proud of your internet skills
And then we made hashbrowns with vodka and queso.
I just called the on campus pharmacy and asked the pharmacist to tell me how each one of my medications will react with "excess alcohol consumption". And I'm not even ashamed...I've reached a new low.
Tabs I had open this morning: "15 hedgehogs with things that look like hedgehogs" and an unexplored google search for "how do I express my love of tacos"
I'm trying to be celibate. I'm having me time. I'm eating cake.
He painted a swimsuit on me. Naked day at the lake was a success.
When the stripper from this weekend is your cashier at Publix the next day 😐💀#pensacolaproblems
how much of this shit do i need to take before i think its a good idea to set the house on fire and scream satanic mantras?
Wearing Navy dress whites to a wedding is like having a magical panty removing device. I've never cockblocked a whole room just by existing before.
its times like this i wish i didnt have a penis
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