Just saw cops pull over the ice cream truck. What a dick
I just spent all my babysitting money on red cups and beer.
People still let you watch their kids?
I just took a bite of a bagel at school and it tasted like weed. If I am high for my test in 2 hours I'm gonna kick someones ass
I need your advice and before you say it, no, it cannot be solved by a blow job
You clearly don't understand the power you wield with your mouth.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Welp, she's chewing our paper towels again. She's like an obnoxiously hot puppy
I know its hard to believe that I'm already drunk at 12 p.m. but I am, so dont call me asking to go to the gym.
After much deliberation I've decided to name my penis "Arthur", hope your mom's surgery goes well.
hungover and i feel like a burrito
like eating one or like you are one?
like i am one.
When you put it that way it sounds like my vagina is a parking garage to be monitored by security guards
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
WHEN DO I FOLLOW THESE PEOPLE. I WOKE UP THIS MORNING &FOUND TWEETS FROM ILLUMINATI AND "hot shot 6th grader"
Eye drops are like seatbelts of being high. Think about it
I accidentally flashed three cops last night. Stone cold sober.
You know what? The sex was so bad that I don't even care that I gave him strep.
god dammit I AM NO LONGER PUTTING UP WITH YOUR HETEROSEXUALITY I QUIT
I'm now consulting a magic eight ball on all major life decisions. On another note I think I have chlamydia.
Randomize