remember when she hit me with her car by accident, well apparently it wasn't an accident.
We had two amazing nights in a row...it was so weird...I couldn't even go to sleep cause I thought maybe it was just in his plot to kill me.
Last night when I was hammered I set a reminder to tell you that your boobs are my favorite ones in the world, so this is me giving you that message.
I'm going to start telling people I'm a sophomore so they stop asking me about college and what I want to do with my life
All I learned from that experience was that drinking scotch out of a crunk goblet was bad news.
Blood and glitter go together right?
I just masturbated to a Jock Jams cd. What have you done today?
DONT EVER DUNK OREOS INTO WINE . NEVER
Dude you spent 20 minutes on the phone with dominos answering machine trying to order a pizza
There is naked swordfighting and something green and alcoholic going on in the basement. COME. OVER. NOW.
He said he wanted to sit next to the fountain so he could "watch the water hit the other water".
I woke up at 2 AM to find them in my living room with a radio flyer wagon full of milk glass plates and a Holstein cow. How am I going to explain this to my landlord!?!
Oh lord. I have no recollection. I just got up. Surveying the damage. Found phone with messages out by pool. Still have not located my top or determined when i stopped wearing it
just had a woman ask me to donate my eggs so that her baby could look like me. don't know whether to get a restraining order or be flattered. thoughts?
Woke up to find my underwear in my purse to only remember I took them off at the airport
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