OMG. Drunk.
I'm so glad you fill me in on these things.
Sorry. Must've been trying to twitter.
Do you know how when animals have surgery they put those cones around their heads so they can't lick their wounds so they can heal? I think someone should invent that for human emotions.
): 100 percent naked, unless you count a tiara as clothing.
I took the precaution of putting my macbook the one place in the dorm there is no way i can piss on it... the toilet
Chinatown. Her fortune cookie said "accept the next proposition you receive." TELL ME NO NOW.
Registered sex offender is the model in class today.... There are too many things wrong with him getting naked in front of a lot of college students.
She hash tagged the word blow job in her text. Tonight's going to be good.
just start off by saying "hey, i cockblocked my friend last night and need to make it up to him, could you help?"
I love birth control. How's that for a Facebook status on valentines day.
You said you brought chipotle into a movie and I asked you to marry me and you said yes
I can't believe you're forcing me to handle this hangover sober
Yes. I masterbate to Harry Potter. It's what our generation does.
Just remember that no one else gets to suck his dick but you, feel honored. It's like the Olympic torch of life is being passed off to you and it's your time to run
in mid sex he pointed out my great gatsby tattoo and we started discussing themes and metaphors from our fave fitzgerald novels
you need to stop fucking English majors
I could have sworn that I went home last night... but judging from the couch I just woke up on, apparently not.
Randomize
