i think the world will end when pigs can fly. think about it, everyone says blah blah when pigs fly. so shit would be going down if they ever can.
oh fuck your right
Buying weed on Christmas. Gotta love Jewish drug dealers
he said i took off my shirt and wrote "help HATI" on my tits, and charged people to motorboat me..... i'd like to say i woke up with 267$ in my purse
he took his pants off right in front of me then just stood there so i went for his boxers and he said he was waiting till marriage
Of course it's dangerous. Why else would they hire us after we failed the drug test?
This is great- I found hangover detoxifying bath salt online. It flushes out the alcohol. We need this.
I've been alternating between telling people I was mauled by a bear or hit by a car to explain the massive unexplainable bruise on my leg. Slightly more worried now that the car idea is believable.
She peed in the limo. She stood up and pulled up her dress and peed on the floor of the limo.
We're bowling witha frozen turkey in the hallway...ur missing out
Men are not even allowed to look at you without a condom on.
Just got a message from a drag queen on okcupid. I cant even catfish successfully.
well smoking weed has become a deal breaker for me so I pretty much use "let's go smoke a blunt" as an icebreaker
She tried doing a backflip and ended up doing somersaults down the entire stair case.
How so I keep attracting the virgins? HOW?
You talk about your love for your ninja turtle onesie when you're drunk. Are you really surprised?
He called my IUD an IED, and said that’s why I had bomb pussy.... I didn’t correct him
Randomize
