apparently you CAN get banned from Nascar.
and next time when you feel me up, do it right
Hannah Montana > iCarly
I'm disregarding that text and your testicles entirely
You had already cockblocked me. The cops were just an assist.
She asked me why I was wearing a Batman Suit. Have I ever needed a reason to wear a Batman Suit?
Are you available to help carry me into the house Monday?
I woke up to him using my debit card to order PPV porn and Jimmy Johns. I don't even know his name.
perfect irony that i'm celebrating international women's day with a yeast infection
You've never even broken a bone. You singlehandedly disprove natural selection
I drink to make the karaoke go away.
The pool of urine in the trash can signifies both a regretful yet successful night.
How long can I keep it classy to hook up in my old office building? Two more years? Does it get weird after 30?
In the mean time, I'll continue to kick ass at running and become a successful stripper while he might hook up with one average looking girl he met at a club. I so win.
Once he bit me I drew the fucking line.
He was eating me out on a picnic table on the frame lake trail and right after I came, a group of hikers walked around the corner. Stood up just in time
And this is one of the many reasons why you need a car.
Randomize
