i made the cop pinkie-promise not to arrest me if i failed the breathalizer.
lets make a pact to never make a pregnancy pact
i make up for being a shitty girlfriend by being amazing in bed.
He got so drunk that he tried hitting on a girl using nothing but his Samuel L. Jackson soundboard application on his Iphone
There are now half chewed girl scout cookies plastered to my windshield. Do you know anything about this?
i'm calling it my monica lewinsky shirt now. may it live forever in infamy.
so hungover. i just puked at the sight of the beer emoticon you sent me.
hey, being drunk and dumb is my thing. Don't take that away from me.
Some old chick is rubbing my thigh and saying she needs some Memorial Day dick. Her teeth are kind of gross but I'm going for it.
"Yeah because the first thing I think of when I hear the word college is tear gas."
So the pizza place just called me after an hour saying they don't have dough
I think my sex life is about to turn into a war on two fronts
I couldn't figure out what was more important, finishing the shot or putting out the fire on my leg.
its been well over a year and hes still saying sex with me was epic
Any who, I expect to be showered with roses apon my arrival
How about beer and nachos?
A fine substitute!
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