FYI: if you have sex in your room with the light on, we can totally see your shadows from the parking lot
Your boyfriend has good rhythm though.
Until he has ordered mozzarella sticks & beers at 2pm while wearing formal attire, then this is still my bar.
i told her that i loved her pillow breasts and then she asked me if i wanted to motor boat them. so yea, i do need the room tonite.
Hookers taste better with whip cream
Maybe we ought to get some pennicillin too
Fair enough
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Stage 55 clinger. not a typo. I cannot even believe this shit.
Realized I'm still to drunk to comprehend work emails. Marked them all as unread. Here's to responsible hang overs.
Needing to keep one leg on the floor during sex so you dont spin should qualify for some kind of drunk award.
after she pushed someone down the stairs to get more vodka we lost her for a while and found her on the pole in the garage pouring water on herself
He wants a "vagina fling" before he commits to dick for life. I'm gonna allow it.
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I had to explain the gravity bong to my mom. Right after she pointed out I have a lot of dicks on my floor at any given moment.
This is simple. Just sex and high fives. No feelings.
Yeah its great. Whenever we want a new bowl we hand it to Trevor and he clears it in one hit. Definitely one of the benefits to having a swimmer in your circle.
My mom just added me on Facebook... She has one like and it's Will Smith
See, remember when you wanted to get an Ashley Madison account and I told you not to and you hated me? You. Are. Welcome.
I feel like I lost a fight with an 800 lb gorilla made of tequila
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