I'm not really sure how I got home, but judging by this headache, i'm assuming it involved bourbon.
We had an indepth conversation about his employment at Arbys..
Somehow I don't trust you in this state to talk to you about a colonoscopy
I just put up a picture on my dorm room wall of that ginger you hooked up with to remind myself that everyone makes mistakes
I don't know what it is about vodka that make me ruin relationships.
You hid from a cop under some guy's canoe on his lawn.. It didnt work
My chest hair is, as we speak, arching upward to embrace my neck beard. The union will be a storied one.
These fuzzy pants work great for sleeping, taking an exam, getting baked and watching the hobbit. I guess i'm not changing pants for 72 hours.
I'm smoking pot with a man in a pink suit, size 15 wide shoes who bought his bowl from a place called Chinese Bling Bling while I'm dressed as a unicorn drinking pumpkin beer
I wish I knew the extent of my injuries before I climbed over the fence. Might have avoided the need to purchase a cupholder for my wheelchair.
You can't talk like Dr. Evil to me five minutes after the greatest orgasm of my life.
Just laying in bed, snuggling my cat, and pondering whether I'd like to attend a swingers party this evening...
Vodka for breakfast. With a side of Frankenberries. Don't judge me.
How much glitter would I have to ingest in order for a "magnificent" amount to appear in my ejaculate?
I bet you my entire life savings of $0 that there's a Doctor Who porn parody and that it features the sonic screwdriver being inserted into some cavities
Randomize
