I've been deciding between brands of bagels for 20 minutes. This why I doint smoke weed.
It's the first day of summer. It's not a race it's a marathon. Pace yourself
I just remembered that I did shots out of a gay mans crotch. And there's someone saved in my phone as "Miranda knows where my car is"
I was busy. But now I'm about to consume alcohol and chicken. We shall see where this takes us. Maybe to the moon, maybe to the floor. I have no idea.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I know my whole body feels like I belly flopped onto concrete. Seriously need to tone it down for a while
Omg. The news was on TV while I was giving him a bj...when the weatherman said its a beautiful start to December, he groaned and said it sure is.
and if planning a fake elopement keeps me from fucking strangers and doing drugs, i think it's good for me
Justin just used the term "industrial strength colon blow".
You were making out w/ur brothers coach against a door when someone opened it and you both fell through... Then you continued to make out on the ground
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We watched X-Files, ate pizza, and he played with my butt. It was a pretty standard Monday.
Have you ever drank bourbon in your underwear while wearing a Santa hat and reflecting on the decisions of your life? Asking for a friend.
If I'm gonna have a rotation of guys, I really should stop them leaving boob bruises...
Hey.. Lock your door. There's a drunk girl walking around in here. She just came in my room and peed on my chair.
I deleted your number after I found out you gave my brother head for drugs.
I visited the library for the first time in my college career tonight and I got laid. I think I'm gonna come back...
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