why did i make a hit list last night containing only McDonalds?
you tried to order a magarita mcflurry and when they said they didnt make those you tried to call 911
We had literally Just finished having sex when he handed me a plan B and said he lied about wearing a condom.
Dude you didn't move for like 2 hours then suddenly sang the chorus to ghetto superstar and passed back out
Don't worry we found her. Somehow she ended up on my roof with 2 bar stools
Did they have a limo or was i just stoned?
Minus the pink eye. Do I look fuckable tonight?
I always enjoy the bewildered gaze as I buy chips, salsa and beer @ 0745.
If I had that in my pants Omg I would want a shirt made so everyone knew
apparently i tried to facetime the drunk bus last night, that's probably why we had to walk back to campus
Drunk ass.
Dude, I lost my shirt, and my doorknob is gone. I'm not sure which I should find first
Don't ever feel guilty about what you put in your mouth best advice my gma ever gave me lmao
Me and tommy were trying to figure out why our printer was jammed, found a condom stuck in the paper slot. #collegeprobs
DELETE THAT VIDEO OF ME MAKING OUT WITH THAT RUG NOW
My cardio is walking around the office looking for free food.
Hey what are you up to?
I am wear the people with the mustaches live. I have found their home.
DUDE, WE BOUGHT THE ACID TOGETHER.
Randomize
