Just ran into that guy that tried to take a dump in your pool
im taking a nap outside. wake me up in an hour.
way to go to work and not wake me up. when you get home youre rubbing me with aloe and giving me a blowjob. no excuses
Would you feed me pudding while my fake tan dries?
Told him I'd blow him in the bathroom. There was a giant window everyone was looking thru. He whipped it out n I burst out laughing n walked away. Even blackout drunk I set the bar high. You should be proud.
Btw: some husbands are not impressed by me trying to snap photos of their wives camel toe.
No she probably looked into my aura and saw that my penis would ruin her.
Can I get that on a shirt
BECAUSE THIS IS AMERICA AND DONUTS AND TITTIES AND ALCOHOL IS WHAT THIS COUNTRY WAS FOUNDED ON
Try explaining "the nature of your relationship" to a cop when your fuck buddy vandalized your car. Priceless.
I thought my life was going to shit but then I read about Amanda Bynes and I realize it's not so bad
My parents heard us going at it in their tent. I told my mom it must have been a bear looking for food. I don't think she bought it. She deliberately chose this park because bears haven't been sighted here in years.
She wouldnt stop trying to stick her finger in my ass. I wish she wasnt so hot
Well you know I have tits so that's half the battle
If I die it's either cuz I undercooked my burger or because I used questionable cheese. I have no pants on, so if there's a wellness check, you go in first.
Never has jello made me angry to the point of drinking. But here I am.
it's a rainbow of FUCK YOU
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