I'm trashed wearing your mom's snuggie. She says hello.
I give him blow jobs while he watches sports.. how am I not his gf yet??
the best part is my dad got arrested for the same thing at the same bar 30 years ago... so he cant be mad
My goal for this summer is to make enough extra money to be able to afford the ticket for water skiing naked.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I feel like I need to get rid of the black eyeliner, glitter, and tequila breath before I to that world poverty conference..
so i say "rick dont build that sandcastle" and he "says ok i wont" then i wake up and its sandcastle fucking city all over my apartment
I'll have you know that I'm still picking duct tape residue off my wrist from sunday
Also, my drunkenly packed sleepover kit consisted of a singular sock, my uncharged laptop, and a pack of post-it notes.
I NEED TO GET TO THE PLAYGROUND. I JUST NEED TO SWING. IF I SWING MAYBE THE SMELL WILL COME OFF OF ME. I NEED TO SWING
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So I was thinking for Halloween I'd do Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde....for my vagina.
And that's why we do second round interviews for possible roommates.
Just found my glass of wine on top of the litter box. Every argument ever is invalid.
I may or may not be setting up an encounter with a foot fetishist just because I'm curious.
Casually blacked out last night and apparently told him he couldn't come back to bed until he got me Taco Bell.
Why is there a business card for people who need bail bonds in my wallet...
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