I woke up to him trying to put his dick in my mouth. When I asked him what he was doing he said he was trying to make me stop snoring...
I was looking through my facebook friends list to see how many ppl on the list i've hooked up with, and was effectively reminded of my failed friendships, relationships, fuck budy-ships, friends with benefits, and "i cant remember if i ever did shit with him but we're awkward now" ships.
Dude, I just had an awesome rave/orgy with like bunch of hot Asian chicks on a cable car. It was like being in a Gwen Stefani video, cept w/o the bad spelling
God, I love San Francisco.
I've decided to sign up for a porn membership, but it's 10:30 and I'm going to wait an hour an a half because I don't want to waste a whole day of my month long membership. Fuck this economy.
doooooooo herrrrrrrrr
I'm out of practice. be my yoda
put your penis in her you must.
Tell your boobs to stop staring at me.
As long as you're not dating white guys again.
I'm pretty sure last night was the first time I've seen someone drink beer-soaked paper towels. Ever.
You're not on my level until you shop at Petsmart for sex accessories.
I'm sorry, you're actually right. Ostrich racing happens, and they're ridden like a horse. Bewildered and distraught.
Best feeling in the world is getting a random boob pic from a drunk chick at 3 am.
in that moment our bushes were one. and in that moment we were pure.
It's the 30 sec rule.... the worst that could happen is I could die
People are talking politics and I have had 9 mimosas
.... I'm on a random couch somewhere in Newark wrapped in a Lightning McQueen blanket
Randomize
