Her parents hate her and she's on like major lockdown. All her friends are in jail and she has massive pit stains. Dude... It doesn't get much worse than that.
is it STILL halloween? when did this turn into a week long holiday
I made him drop me off at the wrong house waited for him to leave and crawled through several fences so he couldnt stalk me. How was your night?
She gave me a rubber ducky to make me feel better while I was throwing up.
come to Starbucks. I'm the fat girl eating a whole pizza sitting on the ground
Don't be alarmed at the kitchen mess. I had to shoot the fire extinguisher on the toaster oven, one quick blast. It was a matter of safe over sorry.
My Valentine's Day plans just drastically changed... My F buddy just ran into my gf...in my driveway.
Quick!! What's a good reason for me to have rug burn on my chin?
I'm eating your cookies as payment for having to listen to you. Happy sex
Best case scenario I do a bunch of dirty things to you, blow your mind and you enjoy it. Worst case I stare at you, poke at you, smile and droll on myself, you laugh.
30% sure Kevin and I just adopted a cat. Talk to me when the sun's up but I really feel like that's a thing.
Remind me to tell you the story of the fuzzy condom
Sex and compliments. The way to my heart
Oh yeah, nothing says welcome home like walking in on your parents having sex on your bed while the dog is watching, they told me to wait until they were done...
Is it still sex if there's no nudity, no orgasms, but the neighbors bang on the wall and ask you to stop? I've honestly forgotten.
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