Bristol Palin says: Remember to use protection
I bet farrah fawcett is having words with michael jackson in heaven for stealing her thunder
I really wish i had a penis so i could dick slap that bitch right now
She walked into class late sat down for 5 min muttered 'oh i cant do this' and walked out. She looked like death.
We should party with her soon
He said my breasts were God's way of making up to him for all the shit he's had to endure in his life.
You graduated two years ago... You can't keep using spring break as an excuse.
you were standing in two feet of water, screaming at people walking by to "call river rescue".
why didn't you tell me his penis tasted like oreos?
If the cops knock on your door and ask if you saw anyone throw an orange out the window I was never there.
Ita all starting to make sense i need vodka like i need air
Confession: Sometimes I wear my stolen scrubs to the corner store because people will think I'm a doctor and not just a girl too lazy to change out of her pajamas.
One good thing out of all this is her ass is huge. Like Australia Big.
Welp last night I made out with the guy who slices my deli meat at publix. I'm sure there's a joke there but I'm too hungover to find it. Go noles.
For a man with no legs he was surprisingly good at doggy style.
I don't know whether to high-five you or stage an intervention.
So Saturday night after 10 drinks I guess he tried to have sex with me and in the middle of it I asked "can you tell I'm faking it!?" and then I sat up and threw up in my hand. That's a sex Win in my books
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