That's your vagina. No one goes out and burns it
I just took a girl with a hip brace and crutches on a date. she obviously can't bone. is it rude to demand a blowjob?
yea ive hooked up with like half those guys
and i've hooked up with the other half...when our powers combine, we are captain slutbag
I didnt believe in cockblocking untill my roomate brought home that.
Last night I ate parmesan cheese straight out of the container while watching Chelsea Lately. Look at what happens to me when you leave.
He told me that I smelled like a Glade Plug-in, then sang the Menard's jingle in it's entirety in between kissing me.
I also tried to drunkenly adopt a kitten last night. It didn't pan out.
His bootycalls folder in his contacts are divided into regions, we should have all become airline pilots.
It was your ex but it was not eighties night, it was pudding wrestling. And either thank you or I'm sorry depending on the state of my pants left on the doorstep
I feel like when purchasing hard liquor on a Monday I also need to buy a happy 21st bday card to not seem so pathetic
Dude if her licking my face hammered isn't love I don't really want to know what love is.
Thats Poetry
you know that feeling on acid where you think the world stops just to fuck with you? That's what it felt like.
I've been smoking weed using candles all week and I just found a lighter. This may truly be the happiest moment of my life. It's embarrassing how excited I got
well at least now you can say you got an STD from the frontman of a band no one's heard of
fuck you.
please don't forget about the bread in the toilet i am absolutely not dealing with that
Randomize
