I need a booty call who doesn't know my boyfriend or my friends.
and then he said "my sister has the same underwear!" please come get me.
Well at one point you put icyhot on your feet because you lost your shoes and it was snowing outside.
i caught him jerking off, doing his SAT Prep. forever alone.
should i be impressed or disgusted that i was spitting glow-in-the-dark?
Just got physical proof that at 6 am i was running around with raw potatoes threatening to mash them on his floor. Hello, Mobile uploads
It must have been an amazing night, I have "my pants are responsible people" written on my pants in permanent marker.
MANGO MOTHERFUCKING GODDAMN MARGARITA DELICIOUSNESS
Sometimes I love sober logical me. She makes rare appearances but when she does she shines.
Me and him getting it in is for special occasions only. Like Christmas and when they bring the McRib back.
I don't care how fucking drunk you are, you don't forget wanting to shove a wine bottle up someone's ass.
The cops came, and I made friends with him. He wants me to babysit his kids.
it's pizza time hurry your sexcapades
just spent the last 20 minutes cleaning out the soap dispenser. fuck. me. adderall.
You are, as of last night, the self declared king of pooping. Long may you reign.
Randomize
