i just cleaned out my toilet because i knew that my head would be in it later
It wasn't a wasted relationship. I got road-head in an Escalade. I still keep that with me.
Just did a kegstand with my dad. Happy fathers day.
this whole plan B standoff thing with her is really starting to make me nervous
I woke up with a fake mustache stuck to my chest and I can't even hold down water.
I transported a midget tonight. He got beat up by another, midgetier midget. Is it bad that this is what makes me feel compassion after 15 years of being a paramedic?
Midgetier?
Smaller, yet meaner.
We were naked in bed for hours and we didn't have sex. Either he's gay or he wants to respect me. Neither of which I approve of.
Katelyn drunkenly ripped the soap dispenser off the wall so we decided to call it quits
So then I proceeded to the kitchen to make my "specialty," which consisted of a frozen veggie burger topped with peanut butter. I guess he ate it too.
Who was the person who brought the rooster when they won @ beer pong
gorilla chasing a banana on crotch rockets. Halloween is getting way too real
I think my AA sponsor just booty called me.
I love how encouraging you are, but I need you to stop me when the guy I'm going home with is a dead ringer for Nick Cage.
He made me pay for half of dinner. Fucking feminist revolution.
ok, muffins say "love me", waffles say "fuck me", got it.
Randomize
