I just sneezed everywhere.....everywhere. Now no one will talk to me.
I mean, he's dancing back and forth between pathetically sad and massively fucking creepy.
I was doing the dishes wondering what was with all the tiny little cups, but then I remembered that some people drink things other than huge mixed drinks and big cups of water the next day.
i can't find my house
we droppd you off right in front! i even walked you to the steps less then 3 mins ago.
i'm pretty sure my house moved.
Well, think of it this way, if this were 200 years ago your father would have received the most goats in all the village for your fertile loins. Think about that.
The fact that I found him in his Ninja Turtles t-shirt next to six empty and obviously consumed packs of EasyMac watching reruns of Becker certainly made telling him that I wanted a divorce so much easier than I had planned.
It's like being the dunk pilot of a plane full of pornstars and drunkenness.
I woke up with a bloody knee, 6 burn marks on my thigh and glitter nails If anyone asks I'm going to say You came into town
All I remember is laying in that secret hideaway closet, naked, with a beer cowboy hat on and you walking in and sitting down crying because no one would have sex with you
I achieved maximum drunk last night. It was pretty extreme. Woke up on a couch, outside, in a suit
Wait..I'm drunk and butt naked making a pizza. Happy Wednesday.
What has my life come to that I have to spank someone in morse code?
Im gnna go loik fir my newq gay friuend now
Goodbee
Laying in bed naked is fun. I now see why guys love boobs... They're sooo bouncy! This long distance relationship is really killing my sex life.
Ahhh, beer. My second favorite breakfast drink.
Randomize
