How old was that tiny chick? she needs a lard iv.
Banging your ex-girlfriends best friend 3 days after you break up is like saying "fuck you" with feeling. I wouldnt have it any other way.
How do I tell my mom that she just went to the gym with my water bottle filled with vodka...
Whoever brought the pigeon, please come and remove it from my living room.
Well, I had a dudes gf walk in on us the next morning but nothing during...She shook my hand after I got dressed and said "nice to meet you with your clothes on" best moment of my life.
She finally pulled over after almost hitting 4 cars and a semi and asked me if i was rwady i told her to let my penis to come back out
The cop used the word "belligerent" 16 times in the report. You get to bail him this time. I'm not up for it.
I'm super stoned watching the vatican smoke cam. Come over.
Jenna, I'm going to use all my homosexual powers to steal him from you
Austin, I will climb on top of your shoulders and slowly suffocate you with my vagina
I'm the one on the patio wearing underwear. Holding a pipe. Pigtail and glasses. Can't miss me.
But on the plus side, what he lacked in size he made up for with speed. And grunting.
I don't even have his number. I have his pants tho
That's not the problem. The problem is I thought I was over him but he smells nice today.
I'm not the kind of girl that sleeps with someone else's boyfriend. But I'm getting waxed just in case I change my mind...
PLEASE LET MY BIRD FUCK YOUR BIRD
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