I just did something awful... i just had to tell someone... i just used my brothers electric face cleaner as a vibrator
I have a fruit stripe tattoo on my penis. You're the only person I know who chews that gum.
he used a semicolon in his bootycall text, of course he's not gonna go down on me.
In hindsight, trust falling your grandma was a bad idea. Sorry about that.
She just kept screaming you name over and over. Im starting to think this is my alarm clock
He pocket texted me while I was blowing him in the car...What are the odds?
Considering how often you blow him,high.
i woke up completely naked except for a bottle of beer saran wrapped in between my boobs
Yea idk it was like early in the morning and you were walking around with no shoes carrying a printer
Don't bother coming over to clean the mess. I already paid two kids 5 bucks for it, just didn't tell them you peed all over the place. You do owe me 5 bucks though
I told him not to mix beer with his Dr. Pepper...his reply was "i'm a grown ass man i'll do what i want". Judging by the sounds coming out of the bathroom he regrets not listening to me.
i told her i wanted to be the Neil Armstrong of her vagina,
so dehydrated I couldn't fill the pee cup to the right line for my drug test for school. I was like sorry it was my birthday yesterday
I don't know what to say to you.
I don't know what I said to you. Start with that.
I mean that was the nicest way to be dumped by some one I wasn't dating.
It’s official. I’ve hooked up with all three brothers now
You should go after Dad now
I should! He’s definitely middle age fuckable
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