he then started listing things that have been up his butt, never drinking in boys town again
Wow. 8.8 earthquake hit Chile this morning
didn't feel it. :)
It's like 5 thousand miles away of course you didn't.
wait what? so it's not in america?
I just figured out that you can toast a marshmallow with a butter knife and a cigarette lighter. I'm like a retarded Mister Wizard
Stripper told me "sorry i'm not squezing my tits in your face much, I just had a kid and don't want to squirt you in the eye with milk. " in the middle of my lap dance
Judging that there's a photo of me getting head while sitting on a graveyard tombstone.....not good.
Its only.eleven and we are already chasing a man on a bike with a bag full of burger king
Oh, and trying to figure out who wants to do Molly in a frat is like asking damn children if they want puppies and candy. So just bring as much as possible.
Dude, she gave me a handski that literally felt like she was starting a lawn mower...
Hey mom, soo do we have a family lawyer or am I on my own for that?
you left the hospital looking like the grudge, your mom and I were pushing you in a wheel chair and you yelled peace out fuckers.
He says the sweetest things but also that he wants to choke me when we fuck so it's kinda perfect.
I JUST AGREED TO GO TO A CHILD'S BIRTHDAY PARTY AT A PLACE CALLED PUZZLE'S FUN DOME WHY DO I HATE MYSELF
I just met a drunk old lady with a bedazzled life alert alarm around her neck. I love casinos
Of course I fucked her, her man stole my bike when we were kids
He's teaching me French for free and I'm giving him blowjobs. Win-win.
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