i wish i could google "things to eat in my fridge" so i wouldnt have to go downstairs and be disappointed
sorry I didn't call you. I had your number saved as "girl that offered bj but didn't follow thru".
God Help those hot young girls. It's going to be like Bambi in iraq. Except worse.
I feel like a fucked a broomstick last night. You get a gold star.
I'm playing a little game called "how many shots of jack can I take before I become a shit show tonight". All front row seats are sold out.
Nothing like a marijuana chart of usage in each country to make me understand math.
U should just post that picture of u two on facebook with the caption, does anyone know this girl? If so please tell her to take plan b, thanks
I made the jerking off hand motion to my mother by accident this morning. It was awkward for everyone involved.
Hey guy that stepped on my foot, don't slap my ass to apologize.
"Work from home" is code for "morning drinks" right?
Packing a mid day bowl in the Sonic parking lot. Have I gone too stoner?
Just woke up. Naked. Under an animal pelt. With a girl. I've never met her. She's pretty naked too.
Thats why you dont have a "jubilant gunfire celebration"
I wish I could send you one of those donuts I had. Like teleport it to you. Because it would change your life
so at target i bought condoms, on sale undies, pasta roni, and martini mix. the old lady who rang me up asked "honey are you a freshman?" yea lady i am, thanks.
Randomize
