the bitch is dead man
YOUR DOG DIED?
no i meant my mom has passed out .. so i'll be over soon.
He tried to blame not having a condom on the economy.
okay I may or may not have wrapped my body pillow up in your t-shirt and sprayed it with your axe and am now spooning with it.
again? I'm starting to get a little creeped out now.
Before we started fucking, he laid me on the bed, and asked my what my sleep number was, so that i would be "comfy"
No that's sign language, not a drinking game. I tried to join
did we cross streams again? the only thing I remember is seeing a dick
I'm not sure how many more innuendos I can slip into this fucking conversation before I just blatantly say "I want to fuck you."
I suggest absurd amounts of masturbation this weekend to build up the necessary calluses
Bobbing for jello shots in a bucket of long island. Fast track to alcohol poisoning.
I deflowered you on valentines day. I AM THE BEST AT ROMANCE. LOVE ME.
Googled 'how drunk am I' and it was NOT helpful
Oh the best part of having sex with him was that he made me a smoothie after
Married dude I had an affair with 10yrs ago was at table next to us at dinner last nite. My mom asked him to take a pic of us & then commented how cute he was as they left. Do I tell her he’s got a huge D too?
I made it out of the house. Success.
It's not better out here. I'm at Target hyperventilating in the aisles.
hey sweets how's ur crotch today?
Randomize
