You put a nerf gun to his head and demanded him to take you to taco bell..
I think she just stepped in a piece of mac and cheese, picked it off the bottom of her foot and ate it.
After throwing up in a tequila bottle on my nightstand (still not sure how she did that) she asked if she could slip into something more comfortable.
This is the last weekend of getting drunk and having sex all nite with the plumber. I'm exhausted all weekend and I'm never going to finish the remodel at this rate
She just fell in the river. Meet us downstream with the bottle.
This is the high leading the old right now
he said verbatim, he wants to "bang you hard".
I have got to stop letting people hang ornaments from my nipple ring.
Tis the season.
Turns out the guy I peed on gave me a ride back to my dorm this morning.
You are a god.
We used a snorkel as a funnel. Can you say desperate?
I just spent 20 mins in the shower washing n rewashing my body to get rid of stripper. I even loofa'd my face.
I woke up naked wrapped in a wolf blanket on the bathroom floor
I'm going to have to go for it. It's like Mt. Everest. It's large and unpredictable but I live for adventure and it's worth never coming back from. Mt. BigDick.
My parents heard a lamp fall and crash and the dogs were barking like crazy so my mom got up to check. she found you peeing in a corner by the tv. And you kept shhhing her.
She climbed in my window blew me and left. She's in my phone as the blow job fairy
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