This old guy in denny's is sitting alone and he is looking at us and laughing for no reason
you kept talking about how hot andy milinakis is and the things you would do with him. no more tequila from him.
her underwear stopped being sexy when i saw her pubes sticking out of the top.
Dude, we're at Einstein's Bagels and the dude next to us is spreading cannabutter on his bagel.
I hid my booze in my old Sesame Street lunch box. Big Bird might be disappointed, but I feel Oscar the Grouch would approve.
Bc when the owner of your local gay bar and a drag king ask you to take them to a rival gay bar 2hrs away at 4 in the morning YOU GO.
It's a system.. i get to hook up with them and you get to play words with friends with them afterwards.
That's the last time you suggest we can get our tab wiped by out-drinking the bartender.
It was my card, so what do you care that you lost?
Is your card paying for my plan b?
are you still mad that doritos made their way into my sex life
.....a litte
Just tried to dig out holes in my mattress for my boobs so I could be comfortable lying down on my stomach
barely 48 hours and I've done the dirty on both of my roommates beds before they've even slept in them
The cat just walked up and made eye contact with me while I had sex. I'm going to have to burn the house down with him in it.
You offered the police officer a Snickers ice cream bar and cried when he wouldn't take it...
I hope I don't have to wait for another triple crown winner to get laid again.
I just fucked her boyfriend. Happy birthday, bitch.
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