i don't even remember going to get food. i think i got gas too.
There is a guy, stoned out of his mind, only wearing slippers and a bathrobe in the library.
Straight up if I get stuck with her I'm going to drink myself into a prison cell.
Woke up in an unfamiliar pair of underwear, running shoes but no socks, and a cowboy hat. Thank you crown royal
Little boy scout stared at me with judgmental looks while I bought 3 bottles of liquor but refused to buy popcorn from him
I should also mention that having been a sheltered child, I am conditioned to have serious kinks and find upper bodies of either sex attractive. And legs.
Thanks, girl! That means a lot. I can't wait to share my jail stories with you over salad and cupcakes.
Shit. I'm suppose to call the bank but I'm too high to talk numbers.
I feel like drug tests are a little less "random" when you are employed by your father.
YOU CHEATED ON ME WITH THE WOMAN THAT IS STAYING AT YOUR HOUSE. FORGIVE ME IF IM NOT THINKING YOUR A DEDICATED BOYFRIEND.
He wins the giant teddy bear for getting the neuva ring on the dick
He was nothing but deer-caught-in-headlight eyes and dick, it was adorable
I don't need this shit right now. I just woke up covered in pistachios
i need you to come over and tell me if you can notice that i'm only wearing a teddy underneath my trenchcoat
the voting booth dude cock blocked me or she woulda totally blown me in the voting booth.
Randomize
