Do you know that poor pathetic girl that we should be friends with
please say your awake. the girl i brought home last night...any idea on a name? she isnt up yet...
just thought you should know that she got home at about 6am.... totally wasted. she was locked out and when i finally came to the door she was on a patio across the street with some random making hotdogs on somebodys elses bbq.
I woke up to somebody tossing my salad... I should have drank more
Just found a shot glass and plan b in my backpack...
Im guessing the shot glass is for plan c?
Do you think we're allowed to sign male strippers into the building with a valid id?
There is no way I'm taking advice from somone who's idea of a balanced diet consists of vodka and lemon detox juice
I'm sorry I peed on your everything.
I'm surprised I don't have a permanent face imprint between my boobs.
me + whiskey = a bad person
Please let me buy the coffee, all my assets are in starbucks gift cards
I just got CPR certified, don't make me need these skills so soon
Omg I just woke up. In the hallway outside my room. I know you had something to do with this
also, I think I lit my hair on fire when I got home..
Just flash them and yell "JUDGE THESE BITCHES"
Randomize
