I had to get a ride home from that girl that slept with 3/4 of the band
I would say the hottest chick there looked like Susan Boyle and the ugliest like Bea Arthur
Nice use of current day folklore
She sucked my dick when I had a concussion. It was the coolest feeling ever but the doctor said it was a bad idea. He's obviously gay.
Call me when you wake up. I wanna start drinking but I'm giving up hope on my life if I drink alone before 10 am
She once gave me sex advice over the phone while intoxicated. So no you don't have the cooler therapist.
Yes ma'am.Im also looking at my collection of penis pictures in my email playing "who;s penis is that"?
dude, i just accidentally flashed your mom. BIG TIME.
I keep getting the feeling him and his friends are hilarious and we should drink whiskey together forever
had a nice chat with the older gay fellow who works in the bakery at the new vons about vday...we both feel that it's a day of dashed expectations & concerns that we'll have to be cut out of our spanx
WHAT HAS MY LIFE COME TO I'M MAKING A SCARF FOR A PENIS
The stripper was dressed as the green lantern. Even for a geeky girls' bachelorette party it was lame ass.
Well I didn't know she was a dominatrix...so I kind of just went with it
I like to send nudes ok? If that's my biggest flaw I think I'm ok
let me assure you that a rugburn on your forehead is the worst side effect of tequila i have experienced to date.
i cant go to his party cause last time i pressed the red buttons on the wall and the fire alarm went off for 40 minutes, i'm not allowed back there
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