i'm glad we're now at the level of friendship where we can comfortably discuss the quality of our shit
I've learned something. I regret way too may Tuesdays in my life to be normal
No, but its not like diarrhea. i swear its like my intestines had a secret bank account and i just punched in the right pin.
I think my uterus is still laying in your bed somewhere under the covers.
We both paused during sex to do the clap during the Friends theme song. Soulmates.
surprisingly organic peanut butter is not the best chaser
You made me pull over because you thought a leaf was a twenty rolling across the road.
They should really start adding the average cost of day drinking to our cost analysis sheets. Does FAFSA cover this? No. It doesn't.
Last night you told me to stop being Martha Stewart and asked if I had Taco Bell in my house
Honestly I'm so excited to go to bed I feel as if I don't deserve to be in my early twenties.
I like her because we want the same things out of life AND she actually wants to have sex with me.
I didn't want sex last night, but she charmed my dick out of my pants like a snake charmer.
His roommate walked in then asked "well did you at least finish". What a way to start your birthday
Apparently walking into a national conference and proclaiming "i'm here to fuck shit up" is frowned upon.
Who knew?
I met up with trey last night. He whispered in my ear "I love you" then raised his voice and said "but not in a I want to marry you kind of way, but if you died I would cry."
Randomize
