so i just saw your dad embarking upon a biking journey in full reflective gear
...this stays between you and me
Gay walks of shame are so much more Amy Winehouse than straight girls
so I'm in athletic shorts, a suit jacket and I'm still drunk at 6:30am at the last leg of relay for life
we're on our way back. she tried to pants the waiter again.
I've been ignoring his texts cause last night I put him in my phone as 'ignore for atleast a day' and I trust my drunk self.
At a party. It smells like teen pregnancy and sadness in here.
I just took a shower and found half a cookie melted under my boob. Please tell me there's a reason
I dont care how drunk you were. Making a bet with MY husband at MY wedding that you could seal the deal before he could is ALWAYS inappropriate!
I want him to rummage through my vagina. with unwashed hands.
So, this year for my birthday, want to get rip-roaring schmammered and watch my episode of my super sweet 16? We can do lines off my tiara.
I asked her why she named her vibrator Lorenzo and said it was the name she started screaming her first time.
It's like jay gatsby himself preordained that our genitals meet again.
I lick assholes and I wouldn't eat mdma
Dude, I wish I could live my entire life blacked out.
Drunk me says 72 hours of Mexican Viagra and room service.Sober me says we stopped being lovers for a reason after the last lost weekend.
Randomize
