Holy wow, I found all the old poems u wrote me back when we were in looooooooove...just sort of wild to look back on, thought u'd like that
I woke up to him eating me out, listening to classical music.
So I love how we keep introducing our friends to sex toys. It's like pay it forward vibrator edition.
Is 9am too early to be eating a mozzarella stick I found in my purse? Yeah didnt think so. The fact that it tastes like vomit is concerning but not importanta.
I'm wearing red that night.
Noted, what shade?
Whore.
151 hangover. Need apocalypse.
That's what my new years consisted of. Consoling heartbroken girls and having people throw up in my hands.
I think we need to dedicate ourselves to building your stamina back to uterus breaking level
Girl, we were harassing people from the top of a building. I don't know how I got down, but I'm eating chocolate cake in my kitchen. Sall good yo.
I think I'm pregnant again.
or as we call it, thursday.
His cat just sat there and simultaneously bobbed his head up and down while I blew him
My vagina is very pro this idea
Turns out my GF and my FWB have a mutual friend. Yada yada yada, I need to crash on your couch
It's all fun and games until your mom recognizes your bootycall from 2018 as her attorney
I’d clean the kitchen before making food. Mark “rang in the New Year” with some rando in there last night
Randomize
