pretty sure mid blowjob I told him I needed to call you and ask you if this was whore-ish. He hid my phone from me.
I want someone to please me without me having to show him steps 1 through 5
Apparently she buried shit in the snow back in January and now that it's melted I found a flip flop, 4 spoons, a bottle of smirnoff, and 14 different candy bars
I'm drinking Leinenkugel through a Red Vine. I'm not drunk. I'm just happy with my life so far.
We could be hammered at a childrens film. You failed me
I feel like I should throw some tampons around my workspace so everyone will know what's really going on
Sent nudes to my best friend's boyfriend and mom last night. So I'm coping with that on top of my hangover this morning
You're about wine.
Yes, I'm like 90% wine at the moment
She posted a pic of her bf on ig wishing him a happy bday at midnight. She then proceeded to have sex with me. Who is the bday boy again?
Morning! Im using your rent money to snort percocet.
i got home safe but then alex started a fire so now we're at the hospital
My moral compass kept pointing to his penis.
There’s a special place in hell for tall guys with small dicks
So I figured it out. There's two types of shitters. Moaners and grunters. And on occasion there's a third. It's the ill fabled grunt moaner.
The streets are paved with hand jobs
Randomize
