if creeping was an olympic sport, i would be a lock for the gold right now.
sexting loses it's worth when you accidentally text your boss.
I'm not a pervert.. I just like to be naked...
All I remember from my 21st is crying because the bouncer made him put his shirt back on
Security brought me back to our hotel room in a wheelchair last night. Vegas.
And if you ever tell anyone that I will fucking kill you.
I don't know who he was, where he came from, or where he went, but he just handed me a bowl of mac and cheese and left. It was good too.
I may be new to bar life, but full on grabbing my vag shouldn't happen...anywhere.
THC water in my coffee on the way to work. How's your Tuesday?
You asked her to play "the coma game" with you while hooking up, and then passed out in her bed. She couldn't wake you up so she slept on the floor.
Looks like I won that one
I'm gonna cougar town the shit out of that prom.
Please come and rip my uterus out before it does it itself
IM TRYING TO BE RESPONSIBLE AND ALL I WANT TO DO IS FUNNEL CHEAP BEER AND SCREAM ABOUT HOW MUCH I LOVE OUR NATION
There is maybe 10 hours out of any given day we aren't sober.
I figured it out! There's blood on the kitchen floor because I fell into the dishwasher. And there's a face dent. And it doesn't work.
Yea.....I saw that happen.
Legit just heard the bartender tell some Dude "Penis is not an accepted currency in this establishment" and Dude responded "You take Vagina then?"
Randomize
