Hey sorry for feelin' up your date. Sadly, this is a mass txt.
On a scale of affliction to ed hardy, how douchy is in there right now?
come over anyways, right now, right this second
it can be a super quick quicky, then you can go back to studying
wow, that sounds SO fun, please stop enticing me with premature ejaculation
Should I shave my pubes in the shape of a top hat so I can nickname my junk Abe Lincoln?
How you know a guy is gay: they say they would want money, not sexual favors, from emma watson
I learned to sign I want to be on you today
Score
Deaf chicks here I come
There was a lot of him and a little penis
You spend 45 minutes trying to convince that pregnant girl you were with all night to have sex with you cause 'the worst had already happened.'
I woke up with $100 in my pocket and I was so excited until I found an atm receipt for a $500 withdrawal. Not as exciting.
Dude, you face planted, there was no "bar fight".
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
I may quit my job to go be a costumed Jedi at Disneyland.
Also I am throwing a blaZer over what I wore to bed and calling it an outfit.
They found me wandering around campus screaming body shots over and over again wrapped in a curtain
When are you getting back?
Well google maps doesn't have an estimated time for crawling... Could be days
Randomize
