He came through my line today and bought designer impostor perfume, just for men gel, and astroglide. I almost DIED.
Seriously. Destroy her vagina. Do it like an angry baboon mating with a gentle manatee.
feel weird hangin out with you now that i've eaten your sister out
he nicknamed his dick "too big to fail"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I thanked her for the handjob she gave me in the middle of the night. She had no idea what i was talking about. I think she sleep-jerked-me-off. Im def sleeping over tonight too
He just went up to bed, still drunk from last night, carrying a pear, a pipe, and an unopened bottle of wine. I think he'll be fine.
My sister got her picture in the pub crawl section of the paper today and my dad said to me "why can't you be more like her?"
Do you remember giving me altiods and wishing me good luck on the walk home?
college stoner meal of the day: microwaved nutrigrain bars
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
As I am reading this. I'm standing in my underwear eating taquitos. I'm saying this in the most loving way possible: FUCK OFF.
Remind me to call McDonald's to give a good review of Ruth. She truly demonstrated grace under pressure.
I don't know what's worse the fact that I woke up with a clit piercing or the fact that I didn't pay for it.
As if I didn't already know that I was in the friend zone, our conversation that included the words "kiddo" and "old friend" really was a knee biter.
After we banged he volunteered to ducksit while I went to work. I think that's true love.
You know you're more responsible when you turn down your bed and make a clear path to it before you go out..
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