we black-lighted her bedspread and it looked like a jackson pollock painting.
somehow you got everyone naked by playing strip rock paper scissors.
Just got a lapdance on the metro. She said she was on maternity leave and needed the practice.
he designed a suit out of pillows to protect himself when he fell.
engineering majors are such efficient drunks.
After I threw him out he walked down the street peeing in stride. I almost wanted to let him back in.
He decided not to draw dicks on my face when I passed out because he was afraid I'd retaliate and superglue his dick to his stomach....he knows me too well.
just had a flashback of you pouring champagne into my mouth from someones balcony..
How on earth did you break your wrist?
I went into someone's yard so I could pee and I found a tireswing
We started a fund for a baby in a wine glass, I think we're pretty responsible.
I still don't know why she was so offended when I emerged from the bathroom and told her my balls were now clean.
This morning, I found 5 naked people in Steve's bed with post sex hair, and Steve fully clothed sleeping on the ground.
I think I just read the whole internet. Front to back.
meow
use your words like a big girl
i ran over your cat.
I forgot to respond before, I was apologizing for confusing sex with secret Santa.
I was asked to be part of a mmf threesome. I think I'd rather stay home, watching Orange is the New Black and cuddle with my cat though
Randomize
