Well, emily woke up in Hoboken, cati woke up in jersey city, and i woke up in brooklyn....and our hotel room we rented in the city remained empty. Best birthday yet.
will power is for people who don't want to get laid
i love accidental penises.
I don't understand why we need a holiday to become more aware of boobs...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just watched a woman break three wood planks with her boobs. I don't know how I feel about that
The bartender just told me he would have me face down in his pillow by the end of the night. I hate when you make me go to gay clubs.
guess who's eating a vending machine cheese danish, has no panties on, and is still the classiest bitch at this bus stop?
You don't understand she was in the fountain pretending she was diving for treasure. I couldn't possibly ruin her dreams.
dreams really do come true on the roof and drinking again
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Judging by the garbled spelling in the calendar reminders in my phone, drunk me really wanted sober me to take a pregnancy test today.
How many of my tattoos need to be visible for an outfit to be considered "see-through"?
Just woke up from a first date on the futon watching Arrested Development by myself, him cuddling another chick in his room. Simultaneously the best and worst one night stand in history.
Bonus: took me 2 hours to get home on the streetcar cause I spent my cab money on drinks for his friend last night.
woke up and you werent here...its ok if we're never going to speak again but my furry hand cuffs are missing and i would like them back. thanks.
I’m traumatised. Bring vodka and condoms.
Sorry I can't pick up... thought process is fine but too stoned to form words.
Randomize