I woke up in my own vomit, a chunk of cactus in my thigh, shirtless, with jons mom poking at me with a glass of dr pepper and a talk about god....damn alcohol
He probably put up nude pics. He seems like that kind of guy.
We were playing flip cup on the nice dining room table. Losing team had to shamwow the table in between rounds
Note to self: when drunk try to remember that ctrl, alt and dance doesnt exist on a keyboard.
do you know how hard it is to pee with a pumpkin in the toilet ?
Am I allowed to say that I would really enjoy blowing you again? Or does that fall into the "nothing changes between us" catagory?
Just did a drug deal on the toy aisle at walmart, Merry Christmas
you left me with this keg alone. this is on your hands
I love you so must. You as do fraty. You are truly my veste breakable (ties I wtf racket Andover). Luce you. Have a safe drive bio dough failover.
This is worse then when all the pharmacists sang me happy birthday while I was buying plan b
I just want to get drunk and wake up on Wednesday
What a better way to celebrate that I'm single by becoming a stripper and making $1000 in one night
I take Paypal, cash, sexual favors, and roasted red potatoes with garlic as payment. You choose.
I dont even remember what i was saying but just one minute i was crying and the next i was showing u my genitals
To be honest, I'm more surprised when you're not high at this point
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