She is in my trunk
Well i just wrestled a cop... p.s. i won
So I'm driving and this guy next to me at the stop light is reving his engine and honking at me. Motherfucker thinks that's because I'm asian and drive a honda I'm automatically going to race him
amateur piercings on our way to the beach? check.
malibu coconut giveth, and malibu coconut taketh away
She scratched my sunburn during sex. I didn't know whether to cry or cum
your body is your temple. do you really want a bunch of dicks in your temple?
Trying to roll joints on a seadoo in the middle of a lake on a windy night. -Juststonerthings
After I was kicked out of the last frat I blacked out, woke up in the hospital with no clothes no phone and no idea what happened last night. But i got hospital socks, thats a win in my book.
I just got fingered in the Win-Co parking lot for pills. How's your meltdown going?
I feel like we have a good system here turning our sketchy decisions into great stories.
I made a half way decent playlist
Im gonna call it "hanging myself"
I am drunk and aggressive about the olympixs
It's spelled Olympics
Give me the sexing that I truly desire and I will reveal to you the mysterious location of the PBR's
TSA doesn’t allow handcuffs in carryon bags. Super fun they confiscated them in front of my boss and coworker.
Randomize
