I've eaten ice cream, mentos, an extreme gulp and swedish fish today. i feel like diabetes. the actual disease not a person with it.
at a bar and heard one girl tell another her tampon string was showing she goes i dont want it in anymore anyways. then proceeds to pull out her tampon in the middle of the bar and leave it on a plate. ewwww
btw found the cat. he didn't appreciate the toilet bath.
In conversation she brought up that she slept with Tucker Max on the UF football field
i know you're at the dentist, but this dick pic was too phenominal to wait and i deserve immediate tit compensation
Im eating a cannibus peanut butter and jelly sandwich, while snuggling a stuffed animal. Either this flu is really really harsh or I'm some kind of stoner toddler
He's laying next to me passed out dressed as a hooters girl
I bet he's a super pretty hooters girl
He drunkenly stumbled over to me and told me my "crotch looks spectacular tonight"..... i think this could work
You want to know how I feel? I feel like Cady Heron pushed me in front of a bus last night.
I'm highly inebriated watching star wars, this text was sent via the force
So, if you eat too many protein bars, you will shit your pants. This I learnt today..... at work.
Make a note to pack something that won't catch shell casings in your cleavage
I just took a picture of Austin's dick wearing a hat. Except its not a hat it's a DayQuil cap.
There's a point in life when you've got to take dick like a big girl.
I'm going to use this quarantine time to improve my blowjob skills.
Randomize
