I keep pulling short curlies out of my mouth. Not cool
In an effort to go green, I just used rainwater to fill my bong.
I'm in the laundromat a drunk armenian guy keeps trying to help me fold my laundry. Ah i'm going to miss queens.
Just looking for some anal play. An attempting to read atonement. The highbrow/lowbrow divide is striking.
he walked down the highway for 3 miles at 4 am, and got me coffee on the way. i dont think a blow job would have been enough.
We decided I could make bicurious-jitos or ho-meh-jitos or heteroflexible-jitos. But not homojitos.
what's the name of that soccar player i bit again?
please hold off on going into labor, i might need you to take me to the free clinic
Um please remind me to tell you what happened tonight. It involves wine, pain killers and firing a handgun in our apartment. Legit might be hiding from the cops this weekend.
You haven't lived until you've watched a retriever try to bring back the condom you just threw in its master's garbage
The fact that it was "anything but a cup" now explains the cowboy boots and fishbowl aftermath at the apartment.
He gave me a script of norcos and touched my balls so overall it's been a good day.
I got the job! The hiring manager is the sister of a guy I slept with so its like I'm a real adult now
Best news I’ve heard all day. Cookies and dick. What more could a girl ask for?
I'm unsure if I could pee myself at this point in my life
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