there's a taquito in the driveway. If it's not yours I'm going to eat it.
We'll make it into fun. If I can make wii bowling into a drinking game, I can make studying spanish into a sex game.
This can't be good. I've realized that I weigh less in the morning after I have had a blackout drunk night than when I work out and eat healthy.
Her best friend sent her a random hate text and the song they played at her father's funeral came on the radio. I just got cock blocked by the universe
i hope someone procrastinates by putting up the pics up...
sarah said she can't even post all of hers due to facebook indecency rules
she's lying on the floor with a bottle of vodka, belting shakira. plz advise.
Just headbutted a photographer. This convention just got really interesting.
Be ready for a dog pile. On your head. With my ass.
Does taking an old homeless guy to the strip club, buying him lap dances, and calling him pops all night count as a good deed???
How do I ask where the Jello shot cups are at Walmart without sounding like white trash?
Where'd you go last night?
Don't EVER let me photobomb a group of lesbians again. They made me their "straight mascot" and I ended up singing Donna summer tunes for beers at their apartment complex.
Oh, and let me go get some popcorn, watching you make your own decisions should be quite the shitshow.
His wife just cheated on him for the third time. I'm his first extra-marital fling, that makes it ok, right? You know to keep karma balanced in the universe
Your logic is flawless...
All I'm saying is there better be a bow on your dick for my birthday
Nah, just stick him in a closet with some cheetos, a blunt and soda. The darkness will calm him down until Mallory can be located.
Randomize
