I thought it was weird that her dad told me to finish and get out after he walked in on us. I like him
I then asked the hardee's employee: mam, do you mind if i pay 75 cents in cash and then put the 1.13 on my debit card.
I hooked up with a Michael Jackson impersonator last night. Too soon?
I wish my period boobs were my regular boobs.
I will never underestimate my ability to drunken ramble. At one point last night i think i was talking about hieroglyphics
who do i root for if I want Christiano Ronaldo to win the world cup on a team by himself and then bang chicks on the pitch?
Ia nefed hefelkp i am a taxi
Are you seriously trying to guilt me into sending you naked pictures by saying "So I can look at them during dialysis" ?
Is it working?
at some point i feel off my bar stool straight into the arms of a gay guy. just my luck.
It's never too late to be topless.
Someone left their drag queen on my couch. On the plus side, he sure does know how to make a mean cup of coffee.
Everyone was in jail by 10:30. I'd say it was a successful bachelor party.
Trying to decide who to DD on the fourth and I came up with a Who's who of guys I've hooked up with in the last month. Not an ideal situation, but I have a feeling it's gonna happen anyway.
I'm in public and Taylor Swift is playing. It is taking all my effort to not screech like a goat.
mother daughter bonding time. she's helping me make jello shots.
Randomize
