id be glad to
I called him Han Solo during sex, he looked at me like he was mortified then I realized he came.
i'm wearing my white shorts to coax my period out of hiding.
if i see another status about New Moon, i'm gonna punch a baby
If I could have all the money back from the pregnancy test i've bought- I could buy myself a vacation.
Or a large amount of condoms?!?
You made eat vitamins until I threw up
no i do not regret standing at the wendys drive thu handing the employees mardi gra beads to get free chicken nuggets
You fuck like a mechanic. That is the universe telling you that is your true calling. Take this as a sign.
Listen man this isn't about soccer. It's about America and day drinking... Your two favorite things now get your ass over here
The moral of the story is do not hire me because everything will end up smelling like pickles and I will not sufficiently clean it up.
He fucked me so hard I had an asthma attack. I'm like the sickly poster child for celibacy.
Dude, I just had the best sex of my life in a porta potty at the NCAA girls lax championships but didn't get her name or number. But I have her sunglasses. How is this possible, I'm sad.
I love your life.
I sent dad a photo of my graduation certificate from drug therapy class. It was his birthday so it seemed appropriate.
You were throwing cups at people in the basement, yelling at them to get out of your swamp.
Do you wanna do something, or just stare at each other and fantasize about death like we usually do
Randomize
