in my opinion joe jonas is kinda pointless. hes just the pretty boy front runner.
The walk of shame is so much worse when you've spent the night third wheeling.
note to self..putting cheap vodka in a bottle of grey goose does not make it taste better
talked to my RA about stamps and mailmen again. when do you think she'll realize that i only talk to her when i'm high?
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I want to fuck you with a popsicle till it melts then eat it out of you
Really.
I would literally rather jam a rusty rail road spike into my cock than be here right now. The whore showed up and now I might smash my iPhone into my face repeatedly until I'm no longer consisting of any sort of life.
I'm cuddling with a baby pig and drinking champagne right now.
How's dinner? Come here? You can bring your boyfriend if you're ok leaving without him
I'm at the point where I'm more upset that he got to keep my bottle of Fireball than that he stopped talking to me with no explanation
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Just caught myself trying to make grilled cheese with the stove off. I think my dad knows I'm high.
I had a dream that I got you so wet that you flooded my apartment
So i came so hard i almost passed out, where has this vibrator been all my life?
You're up at 3AM, right? I have a very important question.
You know the Wendy's on route 6, by Kohls? Do you know if it has a drive through?
Yes it does.
The gift for sixth anniversary is steel. He bought me handcuffs. Inee I married the right man!
He’s only in town today and our afternoon sex sesh kept getting interrupted by the neighbor’s kid yelling and screaming in the pool
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