i barfeds in our rink
i got us presents. or arrested. we shall see!
so how much must it suck for him to know that the penis of his best man has been in his wife's mouth before?
Turned in a paper today on drug abuse. Chose to write about percocet. Just realized I started 2 sentences with "This amazing drug"
A. What the fuck are period panties? B. Don't ever wear them around me... or bears.
I just woke up to find the whole kitchen sick had been converted into a gravity bong.
Call me as soon as you're able to dial a phone. I just took a shit behind a building in broad daylight and need to get the fuck outta here soon.
MEET ME OUTSIDE YOUR HOUSE IN THREE MINUTES. BE DRUNK. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
When we were done making out, some guy ran into the room yelling, "I'll save you Brandon! I'll save you!"
I'm currently looking on facebook to see how slutty the girls from my kindergarden class are now. I have a problem.
i’m not very adjusted to having free time. for example, I forgot how much fun it is to masturbate.
never planned on seeing last weekend's one night stand again, much less be on the same plane as him..
He saved that picture of my boobs for good luck romance still exists
That's a gentle way of saying I passed out like an 18-year-old on his first trip to Tijuana
grapes are the best munchies food ever cuz like the juice explodes in my mouth and my mouth gets all relieved of dryness. and the skin of the grape is like the food. and theres so many grapes!
Randomize
