we're getting ready to take strippers to breakfast. I love my life.
if you find a joe biden blowup doll in the attic, I call dibs
I have a new fascination with cutting really small segments of hair off peoples heads when they're not looking.
It's barely 9 am & I've already had an ice cube IN my vagina
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
dude he passed out in the strip club on his birthday, WHILE he was getting a lap dance. That drunk.
Well, no one has ever described you as a perfectly balanced individual
My logic for bringing him home was, he's in law school so odds are he wouldn't kill me.
I wish university was like frosh week all the time and then they just give you a degree for surviving
I'm high and having a granola buffet this has got to be the healthiest I have ever been
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I am on my way right now and I SWEAR TO GOD IF YOU EAT MY BURRITO YOU WILL NEVER SEE MY TITS AGAIN
Listening to sad Lana Del Rey songs together is an integral part of the lesbian bonding process
there were rolls with just one bite out of each one leading to the bedroom. you were laying on the bed naked and yelled 'you did it you followed the bread crumbs!'
I'm drunkenly throwing popcorn at a spider, fuck him. Why does his scary 8 legs get to be happy?
My books smell like weed. What does that tell you about my college experience?
Thumbs up
When he identified himself as captain clitoris i knew my night was fucked.
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