If I could pick any std, I would pick genital herpes. Seriously. Have you seen the commercials? The lady is riding a fucking bike, swimming, and on a date. I have a perfectly fine vag and all I do is go to the library.
you sent me the whole alphabet, one letter a text. it took 15 minutes to read them all
I walked into my house this morning to find an 18 pack on the counter. I think that's gods way of ringing the bell for round two.
Any time you start making pro wrestling references before 10 PM I know that I'm breaking up a fight between you and some muscled up frat boy you call Hogan.
he said I was the best sex he's ever had, handed me a burger king crown and told me to take my walk of shame with pride
Exactly how low is masturbating to your cute professor's lecture videos?
After you verbally abused the McDonalds employee for not making your fries fast enough, the fact that you woke up on a random lawn does not surprise me.
Life for us students isn't all fun and drunken lesbian affairs you know
2nd year in a row being a arrested before school starts...tradition at its finest
Yes. Amanda is the only option and I want cake so I can sacrifice my vagina.
No shame December is a go.
You flew out of the bedroom, stole two Solo cups from the beer pong table, put them on your feet, clicked your heels together three times
Fucking that physical therapist guy was the best decision I ever made.
I need to stop acting like a drunk bitch. People are going to get the right idea about me...
I've seen you dance and let's just say its a good thing you don't have a small dick
There's something really beautiful about walk of shaming past the Capitol.
Randomize
