So yesterday I was on craigslist and I saw a listing for a sofa-cum-bed. I knew what they meant...
she was mega hot - except for the poop under her fingernails
Five things that make you perfect. Go.
The skin of a dead hooker. The blood of the innocent. The soul of a kitten. The hat from cat in the hat. And sunglasses.
There is nothing wrong with wanting a slide attached to your staircase
You seriously looked at the house acorss the street and implied that you thought they had nice Easters.
I was the last girl at the bar last night. It was like a battle royale between 10 guys.
They showed a guy on tv in a Brady jersey and a sweatpants boner when the NE offense took the field. They didn't show his face. I hope that wasn't you.
Sounds good. Stay safe. I'm kind of drunk in a Food 4 Less right now and I'm having the time of my life.
Walked into my campus store carrying a pitcher of sangria. No fucks given. Also this recipe is banging.
We need to drink more. Just think how awesome it would be to wake up in a trailer and NOT remember how wee got here.
It's always a good night until the penis tattoo makes an appearance
He's passed out. He nodded his head when I asked if he's alive though...so there's that
The best part of the night was you shouting "I have to take the LSAT tomorrow" between shots of fireball.
Yeah just pls explain the dishes and the dildo. I don't want to lose my job over a dick in the cooler.
I am afraid of asking him for his new number so I continue to text the one that's no longer in service.
Randomize
