His mom just described him as a manipulative, deceitful bastard -- oddly I still want him
We had sex in the woods. It was great until some bird started mimicking my orgasm sounds
you made sure to tell everyone that the amount of people you had slept with was actually quite low, especially when the size of your breasts was taken into account
I got to the apartment, I was handed a beer within 20 seconds, I'm glowing in the dark, there's fog everywhere, and now I'm wearing a sombrero because apparently it's silly hat night. I never want to leave.
I'm not sober enough to be having a conversation about a rap she wrote in Spanish about public safety
A very small part of me wants you to appreciate me for more than just my breasts. But the rest of me is breasts.
She was wasted talking to my dad about the hunger games than she passed out in the shower and flooded the hotel room...
he told me he was a Boston Bruins fan so I took his hat into the bathroom and peed in it...I've never been a prouder Ranger fan
nope. It turned out i wasnt the drunkest person asleep in tacobell parking lot.
There is blood on the door to my room, I have to go to sleep
Please just fuck her. She's new to LA and doesn't know anyone nice.
ETSY JUST SENT ME AN EMAIL WITH THE SUBJECT "SUMER ROMANCE" I'M BEYOND FUCKING DONE
I NEED A MOM FRIEND. NOW.
That's okay I'm failing college because I'm to busy giving over the pant handjobs in class..
I hate closet cases. I've been wooing this chick the entire quarantine. We finally meet up tonight, we're two drinks in, I've got my hand half way up her skirt and her husband calls. She promised to bring home dinner.
Randomize
