Cops are here now. U need to come back. Ur not under arrest. But u need to apologize to the woman for what you did to her cat.
not only did i manage to get kicked out of the bar, i also got kicked out of denny's. i didnt even know that was possible.
I think it is impossible 2 take a person seriously when their last name is Pancake
I jerked off enough times today to safely commit to the fact that im not getting laid tonight
It's nice to see a girl prepared for the walk of shame. She brought headphones
she just punched a dude and called him a peasant for not drinking fast enough in flip cup.
hes the hot one from work who thought i was dead after my party
He brought her home and fucked her in a gingerbread man costume in a cardboard rapunzel castle. He had a pretty good night.
Definitely just realized I wore a shirt that says "building leaders for Christ" to a hookup. Roll tide.
How high is the bridge and how deep is the water and what are the chances I will get arrested
Btw any and all sexual fantasies or arousal I had about cops is null and void.
Let's celebrate that I used a condom
This dude has batman tighty whities on over his cargo pants and he has the nerve to yell "fuck you bitch" up at my window.
Just leave a note saying "riding dick see you in the mornig"
Last night when we banged she had nothing else on but socks that said 'property of Jesus' on them.
Randomize
