She had a bottle of NAIR in her bathroom, but she clearly hadn't been using it.
I just realized that this morning is the first morning i've put on underwear in a week.
I love summer.
Okay call me later ill be watching lifetime and scrubbing throw up off my feet
I've done 29 out of the 30 things to do to a naked man according to Cosmo. I don't know if that makes me innovative or slutty.
Genius.
Do you think he woke up this morning, looked at you, and then regretted everything?
And then i had a penis in each hand. It was magical.
You're not required to sleep with every guy that spends $10 on you.
Get caught with marijuana. Cop takes piece. Buy new bong. Circle of fun.
You were such a shitshow...I was just standing in the kitchen eating my toaster strudel and you came in, whispered "you didn't see anything" and led him to the couch
You're always so generous when it comes to your dick.
The random guy I fucked from craigslist said I had the best smile. I take compliments where i can get them
We can stop fighting if you send me a picture of your dick standing at full attention wearing a sock.
I'll wait.
It can also be a hat.
I opened my bookbag to put my laptop in and I found two granola bars and a pregnancy test. I am clearly prepared for life
In retrospect i can confidently say that the last two months of our relationship... i was only in it because i didnt wanna lose my list on his netflix account.
I just woke up in the closet wearing nothing but a Santa hat.
Randomize
