just heard the best thing ever: calling people's kids "fuck trophies"
I got called a slut by a bunch of girls that work at Hooters..wtf is that shit? explain that to me
A lady just asked me if you "seat yourselves" here at qdoba. I told her yea and she has been sitting at a table waiting for someone to take her order for 25 mins.
i'm waiting for the less fat version of him to text me
I like one night stands...theyre like crushes for big kids
He offered but I said no. I didn't think it'd be cool to accept cupcakes in the mens room of a gentlemans club.
Apparently there was a point in the night that they literally thought he was dead, ass naked on the floor. That bad.
I hate that he uses me for something other than sex. What does he think I am? His girlfriend? Ha.
you want a dog just so you can strap a barrel of hot chocolate around its neck?
Listen to my proposal.... I feed you crackers while I fuck you ever so gently.
I'm pretty sure I just orgasmned my way out of paying for that weed
Just because I also want a blowjob doesn't mean I don't want to just see you too.
Come cuddle! I'll be passed out somewhere in the library. It'll be like a scavenger hunt!
We're about to get drunk and it feels wrong without you
Well the grass always *looks* greener on the other side but sometimes that’s bc there’s a sewage runoff...
Randomize
