I'm pretty sure my roommate has taken plan B more times than i've had sex. Not sure how that makes me feel.
You were so drunk you tried to sell your salsa to everyone on the restaurant.
just spent all of my last class as a college student, vomiting in the bathroom. its moments like these i will cherish
so high and i think i just ordered a magic bullet.
did you call within the first 18 minutes? can i have the free one?
Around noon tomorrow come looking for me. I'll be on Mill wearing whatever clothes I haven't lost yet. DO NOT REPLY. DO NOT ASK QUESTIONS. JUST DO IT.
After seeing how much you are able to funnel in a night, I am 90% sure your blood is pure gin.
Just bought the plane tickets. Light headed. Blood rush to clit oh god blue clit. Mayday mayday vagina down!
Just smoked a joint with the hottest patient. God I love night shifts.
Last night you snap chatted some chick a pic of bottle service with the caption "send tits"
I woke up with a meat pie in my hand and my mouth tasting like an ashtray. I'm a catch, really!
I wanted lighthearted conversation about ordering bulk condoms and anal lube but he's depressed and talking about god hating him, ugh
STOP GETTING GIRLS PREGNANT IN MY BED.
First Peyton Manning retires, and now the most interesting man in the world is retiring for Dos Equis. This is the worst week of my fucking life.
their motto was "the first one to get arrested wins" so of course today was interesting
4 of us. Guys and girls. Were sitting there discussing the passed out half naked Brit girl on the floor. She is no longer the international woman of mystery.
Randomize
