I wish I had my old roomstes number so I could send him pictures from lastnight... I had a blast banging his "true love" now that I think about it we're even don't worry about that gas bill you didn't pay. Ur girl worked it off!
I swear ... this hickey is a map to Amelia Earhart's whereabouts
I just caught myself doing the gator chomp to my tv. I need to get laid.
The state of Wisconsin is just irresponsible for letting me buy this many fireworks
I think you're asking the wrong person. You don't understand. Like I would fuck the act of fucking itself if I could.
It feels wrong to have dick mouth at a family dinner.
I'm puking to John Mayor, save me. Or at least change it to somethong beyyt
Shared a jello shot with her mom last night. then she tucked me in and took of my shoes for me
Is it bad that I coached my cousins 6 year old boy to steal a 30 rack of keystone out of an unattended cooler at our family reunion, or was I just giving him a social head start in high school? I err on the side of awesome.
In other news, last night I told somebody they made eczema look so good they should call it sexzema.
Just text him and be like do you want this pussy or not. You have three seconds to respond.
I have a sixth sense for large penises and lack of morals
Sometimes a man just deserves to get woken up with a blowjob.
It's a Saturday night and I am in bed with two cats, a bottle of Riesling, and I'm masturbating to Iron Man. I'm great at being 21.
Took my nervous poop earlier then expected it's gonna be a good day
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