we got our roommate high for the first time. He went into his room alone and watched Malcolm in the middle for three hours
She got a tattoo in memory of her cat, my attratcion to her is no more.
I just found out my boyfriend is cheating on me, please tell me Carl is a unisex name.
The bartender just told me he would have me face down in his pillow by the end of the night. I hate when you make me go to gay clubs.
tonight i'm going for the "i fuck with the lights on" look
I love my boobs, they're the only thing that supports me. They make me a solid 6.
I think im gonna bang this 35 year old at a kids birthday party in the bathroom at this house while the kids open the presents.
he broke off your car antennae to use as a walking stick before he smoked because he claimed to lack the facial strength needed to open his eyes when he's high
I really don't want to. I just don't know how to nicely say "dude I'm having a rough time in life right now and I just need to dress like a stripper cop, get shit faced, and have dirty crazy sex"
You screamed "there will be blood" and punched some random guy in the face. So no, we can't go back to that bar.
I went in the closet and cried, then the bathroom and cried, and lastly he showed me his penis and I cried. It was a weird night.
Also I think I drunkenly signed up to be an uber driver or something because they keep emailing me to fill out a background check
Only thing exciting about him was his dick.
Honestly cannot tell if I’m magical or really, really high.
its Niagara falls. its like international waters. You can get away with anything there
Randomize
