I look like a poor person in the cast of Gay Oliver.
it was like he was trying to blow his nose in my vagina
i had to pay fifty dollars for throwing up in the limo, 60 fucking dollars to throw up all over myself
They just came out of my bathroom and asked if I could spare them a condom. See. Its a good thing I have some.
professor came back from spring break missing a tooth
Whoever decided it was a good idea to sell 40's at a bar with life-sized jenga deserves a nobel prize.
wtf are you talking about? You vomit-splattered the cop from the balcony. The cop YOU called because you drunk-dialed 911 because a 5 year old ate the last donut.
it was a krispy kreme
My only regret is not throwing up on the conveyor belt in the dining hall
my longitudinal study of the long term effects of sloth and alchol-intake is nearly complete.
so you are graduating this semester.
Im chasing shots of tequila with chocolate milk right now. by myself. its nasty, but I've had worse in tjere the past couple days, so ill take it.
if i can hear my landlord's phone ring you think be can hear my vibrator?
I woke up with a bagel in my mouth, still ate it. Free breakfast
I shit myself when I came, don't have flu sex
It's dollar drink night and I have my honors society initiation tomorrow. Somehow I think this will not end well.
He was a half hour late. His excuse was that his brother knifed him right before he was going to leave. I didn't believe him until I saw the gauze.
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