I can't find my pants or my car
I didn't even hookup I think I took them off at taco bell...
ha omg I always lose my dignity at taco bell as well... so no big deal.
I love how girls just decide that guys who don't like them must be gay
I do the same thing. If a girl doesn't like me...I am like, "i must be gay"
i think the sales of Rosetta Stone are directly related to the size of that woman's tit's
We had one of those mutual "I know your on a dating website, I won't tell if you won't" glances.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
we're doing beer bongs from the windmill...epic
She started doing push ups and calling me a pussy. Never set me up with your ROTC friends again.
Why hello there Olivia! How are you today on this fine and most wonderful morning full of magic and adventure and awesomeness?
Someone just got laid.
i was on the fence about his sexual orientation until he referred to his marlboro loghts as "carrie bradshaws"
Fantastic. I'm pretty cold, tired, dirty, and hungry, but that comes with an adventurous weekend. Who needs a wallet or keys anyway? I could totally be homeless.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was high and he had on a gorilla suit. Of course I had to take a picture with him
Your a disgrace to smokers everywhere
The guy at the Apple store said the warranty does NOT cover getting cum out of the keyboard. I can't believe I believed you.
This is going to ruin my future wedding planner career, but isn't it better the groom knows he's gay BEFORE he gets married?
Totally had a conversation drunk last night with a bisexual chick at my apartment in Spanglish too.
You're a hero.
We got banned from that Whataburger for life. WHATABURGER. Which is saying something. They deal with drunk dumbasses every night.
Tequila happens.
Gave his drunk ass water, & he poured it on my shirt while saying "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!" When reminded of it today he replied with, "at least you came in first place"
Randomize